Sunday 23 February 2014

How motivated are you really?


I woke up one Monday morning and it dawned on me that my "get up and go" had actually done exactly that. It had got up and slipped off with out me realising it had happened. I was shocked and wondered  "Was there a moment or conversation which was the crucial point when my motivation just stopped? I know I'm not alone in this because its's a topic which rears its lethargic head  regularly with clients or friends.
Have you ever found yourself waking up in the morning and after you have shuffled out of bed to get your coffee thinking "Oh no here we go again"?
Do you have a list of "things to do today" which was really a list of things to do last month?
Are you finding much of your time is spent "forcing yourself" to do things or trying to enjoy activities?
Often it creeps up on us and slowly but surely we find our selves just getting by rather than living a life which has meaning and joy at its core.
We all have times when we feel that our motivation has some how drained out of us while we were asleep, or suddenly found our selves living a life of quiet discontent.
 Have you ever found yourself waking up in the morning and after you have shuffled out of bed to get your coffee thinking "Oh no here we go again"?
Do you have a list of "things to do today" which was really a list of things to do last month?
Are you finding much of your time is spent "forcing yourself" to do things or trying to enjoy activities?
Often it creeps up on us and slowly but surely we find our selves just getting by rather than living a life which has meaning and joy at its core.



So how can we change this slow shuffle to the grave and start to re engage with our passion, motivation and joy again?
To help create change its important to understand that our thoughts,feelings and behaviours are all interconnected . Habits are  created by our behaviour and thinking in the moment which is reinforced by our feelings,these feelings are often mistaken for fact and over ride our logical goals and needs.
  While we have "control" over what we think how we behave we don't have this same control over our feelings, often people mistake feelings for being "fact" when actually they are merely just signals to our brain and body to
  • Interpret the world 
  • Warn us of danger
  • Are hard wired to seek lifes "ings" ( eating, sexing, drugging,shopping,facebooking,gambling, relationshiping etc)
  • Communicate and understand
  • Prepare us for action/inaction

So imagine one of your goals is  going to the gym, while logically you know its good for you, is in line with your goals and will help you feel more energetic,you lack of feeling the  "motivation" and create an unhelpful emotional equation.

GYM + NEGATIVE EMOTION +NEGATIVE THINKING = AVOIDANCE

We listen to the "feeling" as being fact and then our thoughts "I never follow through, I will always be unfit etc" and behaviours ( withdrawal, eating comfort food,engaging in pleasurable distractions) follow suit creating a habit which is powerful and very convincing. We then associate "going to the gym" with a negative feeling and negative feelings are powerful demotivators!.  Many people make the mistake of believing feelings are fact, need to be acted on and that they are permanent,often waiting till they feel like doing something before they start.When in reality if we think well,behave well our feelings will generally follow and create a different and more joyful habit.

Steps to create change
Break down goals into simple steps using SMART goal settings and keep this some where visible. Your goals should include the strong positive emotional states you are seeking and thoughts kept positive and empowering so you change those unhelpful habits into empowering and ones full of joy!


 Here are some useful suggestions to get moving and get out of the rut.

  • Post it notes ,liquid window chalk, quotes,images and reminders in your environment
  • Get a friend to buddy up so you keep each other on track
  • Download phone apps ,10 minute motivators,alarms with motivating messages,goal tracker etc
  • Keep a journal so you can keep track of your progress
  • Challenge negative thinking
  • Gratitude journal, or join on of the many online gratitude/positivity groups so you get positive reinforcing messages.
  • Negativity jar, you write the negative thoughts, behaviours or feelings down and get rid of them in a jar.
  • Positivity jar put all your change in and save for a big treat
  • write down something you are grateful/love/has happened and save them for a day you are struggling to keep on track
  • Be creative!
Caroline Williams is a registered counsellor  and nationally registered homicide / major crimes counsellor in New Zealand working with individuals and couples to help them make the life they love happen. With over 15 years training and experience in anxiety,depression, addictions and trauma she is a prolific writer and workshop facilitator.
Contact her  carolinewilliamstherapynz@gmail.com for in person or skype counselling and make this year the one that counts!























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