Addicted to drama?

Eckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems and drama because they give us a sense of identity, it becomes a familiar pattern of who we are. We see not only ourselves but the world through these patterns and get stuck in a Groundhog Drama day of thoughts feelings and action ( or inaction).

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head like personalised YouTube clips of ways to fail or be hurt  .Each time we do so we are allowing feelings of shame and a belief in futility to shape our lives in the present.With each worry we gain a false sense of problem solving but in reality we keep reinforcing the feelings of being stuck,hurt,rejected etc, its as if the hamster wheel is spinning but the hamster died long ago.

 The  truth is there will never be a time when life is simple and problem free but there is the option of being able to constructively worry and let go of the drama.
Sometimes we need to get of the hamster wheel of drama and try something unfamiliar which is full of change and growth.
We need to let go of the things which weigh us down and create space for the joy and vitality to enter. The following are some simple steps to hunt out the drama and begin to let it go!

• Recognise when you might be creating the drama or at least enabling it to continue
• Don't feed into other peoples drama 
• Your personal life doesn't need to be on Facebook
• Reconsider unhealthy or "drama fueled" relationships
• Press the stop button, when you are playing the You Tube clips press make a choice to stop
• Set constructive ways to solve problems
• Be kind to yourself, we all need some compassion in our day
• Say something supportive and positive about others, look for solutions

Caroline Williams is a registered counsellor and nationally registered homicide / major crimes counsellor in New Zealand working with individuals and couples to help them make the life they love happen. With over 15 years training and experience in anxiety,depression, addictions and trauma she is a prolific writer and workshop facilitator.

Contact her at therapycaroline@gmail.com for in person or skype counselling and make this year the one that counts! 

The Life Detox

There it was in full sight on my Facebook new’s feed a day to day blog of someone going on a 6 day detox on, of all things, watermelon. I was confused, bewildered and then after a few days concerned that there is such a pervasive cure all approach to physical detox. The more I looked into the “detox” world and became overwhelmed by screed’s of “cure all” “miracle fixes” being shamelessly advertised. Crazy detoxes don’t work.

Now don’t get me wrong I have nothing personal against watermelons and I am certainly in need of dropping a few pounds and being a bit healthier. Some of the detox plans out there seem pretty reasonable “stop putting rubbish in your body and put more of the healthy stuff in”. That sounds like a lifestyle we could all benefit from along with a bit more exercise, relaxation and laughter. But its the “eliminate xyz” or “only put xyz into your body for 6 days and be rejuvenated/fixed/cured!” well that just smacks of gimmicky magical wand cures.

It occurred to me that while we may have these healthier bodies, what about our minds, emotions, social connections, environment and spirit? What you may consider to be a physical problem is in fact your body’s best attempt at adapting in order to survive the mental and emotional conditions that it is subjected to in daily life. With this in mind maybe we need to start eliminating the other toxins in our life and be more aware of living lives which are overall healthier and more enriching?

In my counselling practice people share about the unhelpful beliefs, behaviours, relationships, feelings etc that hold them back from being truly happy and connecting to life. Much of my work with people is about “detoxing” from beliefs, behaviours ,feelings, situations or relationships which are physically manifesting in symptoms of;

1. Poor or disturbed sleep
2. Digestive problems including IBS and candida 
3. Low energy fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue
4.  Migraines, headaches and muscle soreness

So before you reach for the latest Lemon Detox or live entirely on kale, try inviting more of the vege family into your world, make the coffee and chocolate family a treat not an entire meal or go do something energetic with your body. But more more importantly take a look at how you can positively and sustainibly improve some of the following…

1. Relationships – reduce the draining or toxic ones and build the healthy connections
2. Limiting beliefs about yourself and the world 
3. Clear out clutter in your personal space ( filing cabinet, closet,bathroom cupboard,home space)
4. Improve your environment ( some flowers, a pot plant, colour, music, books, inspiring stuff)
5. Commitments, learning to say “NO” or at least let me think about it
6. Personal finances, sort out those unpaid bills, start a savings account, get a debit not a credit card
7. Sleep and exercise

Have fun

Caroline Williams is a registered counsellor and nationally registered homicide / major crimes counsellor in New Zealand working with individuals and couples to help them make the life they love happen. With over 15 years training and experience in anxiety,depression, addictions and trauma she is a prolific writer and workshop facilitator.

Contact her at carolinewilliamstherapynz@gmail.com for in person or skype counselling and make this year the one that counts!